Let this be my secret place:
Let this words be from God to encourage others who reads this (:
Going through this week, i was really down emotionally and spiritually; losing appetite eating only like one meal on mon and some red bean ice. After having lunch with Adrian on tues, while at church, i felt God telling me so clearly to fast.... And not just a normal fast, but a complete fast lasting all the way till today. Even the time was so clear, 6.00pm. I tried to be smart and asked God if i could drink liquid food like milk and milo, however to my surprise, He said that i am ONLY able to drink plain water. Here is a breakdown of what i went thru the past few days:
Tues:
Had lunch only, went with kenneth for dinner. Still bearable.
Wed:
Met wilson for tea and chat, it was a great time talking about stuff lol.. Had a little urge to have his dumpling noodles he had for lunch and the waffles he ate for dinner. Overall, i was still hanging on.
Thurs:
Went down to church to help kenneth with moving chairs, we both waited for wei jian. Then kenneth suggested a place i dreaded, Sakuraya Fish Mart. They both ordered salmon belly, tako and mackerel, its like tempting me with a new game of the year game, unbearable. To further the insult to injury, they ordered a grilled saba, at the point i almost broke. Physically, mentally and emotionally, they all scream to eat, yet i know, it is giving into the flesh. Somehow, i found strength to overcome it, not by my own power, but by His.
Fri:
This was the worst day, till this point i was already having problems sleeping, diarrhea and feeling faint. Was suppose to go help my cca group, however, i had the calling to go home. I then spent the whole day sleeping, fighing dreams of me eating, hunger pangs, physical and mental distress. Yet i still believed that if God is with me, who can be against me. Even when the temptations of food could not make me sway, that idiot, satan still tried make me take shortcuts, like drinking milk to ease the pains and all that. It did influence my thoughts for a moment, questioning God if it is ok, yet, i remember God saying ONLY plain water. So as painful as it is already, i cast that though aside, know for sure it is not from God.
By now, i've learned that God does not want anything fancy, beautiful or great. He can create the world, why would He need it? I believe that what He was is a heart that is obedient to Him. Obedience in good times and in hurt, you cannot imagine the amount of hurt i've endured physically, emotionally and mentally. I believe His heart would even hurt more than what i felt.
On this day, i was really on the verge of breakdown, every part of me just screamed for food. Yet in obedience, i just spent the whole day huddled under my blanket shivering and figthing. In this hard and trying time, i remembered Jesus fasting in the wilderness, for 40 days and nights, 10 times of what i experienced. Can you imagine? In just 3 days, i am already in an emotional mess, struggling just to pull thru the end of the day, Jesus did exponentially more then what i felt. I do say up to this point, every moment feels way worst then i felt in NS, i rather do a 24 km march than this. I spent the entire day drifting between sleep and my physical struggles.
Sat:
Finally, the last day, it was unbearable, with everyone talking about food and all that. And for once in my time in Fervour, i was wearing a sweater because i felt cold.. And i also felt really faint.
This is to God, my close friend, Fervour, YI and any Christians reading this.
In closing, i would say, run this race, thinking not of our needs but to follow God in un-parallel OBEDIENCE.
Deathscythe :: EternalD :: Keith Koh
# Endless Chaos:: Keith Koh::Deathscythe battled at 12:16 AM
Deathscythe :: EternalD :: Keith Koh
Born Mar 27
A Child of God
NUS Computational Biology
A hardcore Console Gamer
Serving God without restrain
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